When you get a life-changing diagnosis it is not time to rest on your laurels, it is time for action. That response can come in many forms, and it is essential to dive into the different facets of health.
Our physical health is vitally important, but you might be barking up the wrong tree to think it is the only one that needs addressing since are more than that. Thanks to so many wonderful authors, speakers and advocates of various modalities my reading revved up and I became quest like in my scrutiny. For more on my reading list over the past 8 years – see Bibliography & weblinks..
As a health coach who has always eaten a balanced organic diet, exercised, done coffee enemas, Epsom salt baths and the like, I worked further to tweak the ‘physical’ but came to understand that wasn’t my Achilles heel or at least not my only one.
It was time to deep dive again. In 2021 and with this new re-emergence I tried MANY of the holistic therapies I had tried before (and others) to tame the lump – including alternative cancer site protocols of ivermectin, fenbendazole, CBD oil and vitamin C infusions etc. I also furthered my research into what I call ‘my voice’ and not cancer. The reason being it is part of us, like it or not and it has a message which comes from deep within. Some see it as a ‘wounded child’, a harbinger they talk kindly to it asking for any messages it has. I did this many times and the voice that came back through the ethers was always ‘it’s your mission, to learn is to teach you will be providing a light for others facing similar challenges.’
Working with a practitioner or two (including GNM practitioner) helped to hold me in place whilst the no mean feat of healing took place! Holding steady when you are going through purgatory and have a ‘mind’ that dips into fear is not easy. However, you go through life-changing events in order to be changed for life and the idea is that we change what is needed to become a better version.
Throughout my journey I could see myself changing, I was de-cluttering my life, my relationships and my thoughts. I was making time each day for me. I had a lot of emotions including anger to deal with and learned the importance of releasing them. I completed a journey workshop with Brandon Bays in 2016 which deals with releasing emotions and forgiving ourselves and others. I was soon going on silent and yoga retreats which I devoured. I meditated daily and took regular reiki healing sessions as my go-to. I went to several healers over these years and worked with an amazing local spiritual/quantum healer and intuitive as well as taking up therapy sessions with another incredibly authentic, clairvoyant and skilled healer, who is able to speak to spirit and ask what needs healing at that specific time. Spirit would bring the issue of the moment to the surface and through our session we would work to clear it. We went into past lives, and it felt like I was putting together pieces of the puzzle and peeling back further layers of the onion.
This form of healing clearly won’t resonate with everybody, but it was what resonated with me. I also asked what was necessary for me in the quiet times and in my meditation practice. Although not tangible, I have been aware from a logical standpoint and an intuitive one that my adoption had got something to do with some of the wounds I carried in this life. This was confirmed by the therapists I was drawn to work with. That old chestnut I first thought as though I expected anyone to know about my adoption to ‘red flag’ it. However, the thing was they were not being notified by me that I had been adopted, they were telling me. It doesn’t matter if like me you have been adopted into the most amazing family or not. The fact is that the baby in the womb although unable to consciously remember, subconsciously remembers and stores the memories.
I have to add here that my parents were not only the most selfless people but matriarchal and patriarchal role models and mentors for our entire family. They gave so much unconditional love to me, the family at large and we were an adoring threesome. So how could I have any wounds about being rejected when I had had all this?
Emotions work in unconscious ways and although I understood consciously how much love was there, I did not appreciate that what had gone before had left a mark and was still playing out in my life. It was the reason that at the hint of being letdown or dished by someone I would run a mile and take shelter. I would break friendships up before it was done to me. Additionally, if I was rebuffed it would often send me reeling, bringing up anger, indignation, depression and derailment. I basically took rejection very badly. These traits I began to understand in myself were coming from the mother wound which the baby in me had not understood.
I was ten months old and despite the loving family that adopted me, my mother had left me. I no longer could smell her, see her or feel her heartbeat, the known was now unknown. I had been rejected by my mother, and this had created a trauma that was real and had the ability to play out in my DNA. Once I understood these wounds, owned them and started to work on them, the onion started to get peeled back further. All I can express here is that there is a lot that our subconscious hold onto, be it from childhood, generational and past life. It all comes down to understanding the unseen, the part of you that is frightened and therefore hidden and protected at all costs.
Q: What are your behaviour patterns? Who wounded you? Have you shone a light on your soul?
Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you. Rumi
